I'm from Brazil, and I was a librarian back there. I think I misunderstood my passion for reading into a career. I should have listened to myself since I was 8 years old when I used to play writer. Well, my career took me closer to reading, and to books. Now, I'm writing.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Friendships of a Married Woman and a Mother
I've been living in the US for 8 years now. Honestly, I have to say that all I know about friendship I learned here. And, a woman has all kinds of friends.
When I moved to California, Yahoo - Breno's company at the time - paid our moving expenses, rented us an apartment for a month and offered us a rental car.
At that time, all the people I knew were my husband's coworkers' wives. I joke saying that they came in, what I like to call, the "moving-to-the-US package.”
I liked all the ladies I met. I just disliked the feeling of being an attachment of my husband even when meeting new people. They were the only people I knew and I'm glad they were there to welcome and help me. I still wonder if every wife, who's been in a similar situation, had the same feeling about this. Another thing that scared me, during those first days, was the feeling of becoming a "desperate housewife". I had left my job behind and I had not even the permission to work in the US at that time.
There was a jewel in that first package of wives. Someone who's been with me since then and who I love very much.
Then, after 6 months, I started taking English as a Second Language classes at Mountain View Adult School.
School was fun! Imagine a bunch of woman, of all different nationalities, trying to communicate and laughing about the difficulties in doing so. We were so happy together! My group consisted of girls from Japan, China, South Korea, Thailand, India, and Russia. Actually, we didn't need to speak the same language to understand each other. We were walking in the same shoes. I stayed in school almost a year, going from a basic level to advanced. I stopped going when my morning sickness got the best of me. However, all the ladies kept seeing each other and I still keep in touch with a few of them.
Friends Who Are Mothers
After Nicolas was born, I started doing baby/child related activities like taking him to play in the park. Besides that, I still had to breastfeed, change diapers, and do all the housework, of course. I think it's possible to go almost crazy if you live in a child’s world your whole day: baby toys, diapers, lack of a decent shower, cartoons, silly stories, etc.
In my experience, going to the park every day is only possible if you have friends to meet. I mean friends not just for your children, but especially for you. How do you think it's possible to endure going to a sand box every day of the week without the hope of meeting your girlfriends there?
Children need their sand to play in as much as mothers need their friends to chat with. Because I don't know many husbands who are willing to hear about the color of your children's poop or the mess the little one made with the marinara sauce, after work.
Friendships with other mothers are easy going. Just a mother knows that when a friend goes mute on the phone, it's because her child is doing something mischievous. Plus, there are no finished conversations during play dates either.
PS: I love, love, love my friend Linda, who doesn't have a child yet. I'll be talking about friends with no children soon.
Picture on the left: Eugenia and Linda. Picture on the right: Aline